1252.1- Personal Update

Oh goodness, the time is flying! I am not totally neglecting this blog, I promise! 

I started school, one class online at night to ease myself back into schooling and I wasn’t ready! Haha. I am taking Geography. In my mind, I was like easy peasy, right? Some reading, some map quizzes and maybe a mid term and final with multiple choice for the exams…. WRONG. It’s papers and more papers and reading and more reading. Discussions and then participation in said discussions. So much reading. So much writing. It is really interesting though. I have one exam left (which is a 12-15 page paper and this is the 3rd one!), one discussion and one assignment paper so I feel like I can breath a little again. 

I am looking into my next semester course and it’s either biology or math. Both are online and both will transfer for my BA when I am ready to make that leap. I just have to pick between UCONN or Bridgeport. I think Bridgeport might be easier because it’s online. I know UConn I will have to go to at least a couple classes on campus and I am not sure how that’s going to pan out with working full time. We’ll see.

I started a new job and it’s in office all day. I like it so far but it’s definitely not as cushy as my last job. Cushy meaning I was at the old job for a 8 years so I had a lot of sick time, and vacation time, I was able to work from home 3 days a week but I was miserable and aggravated a lot. I didn’t feel valued at all and the CFO was making decisions on my work flow without even knowing what my work flow was. There were meetings that I wasn’t invited to that directly impacted me being able to do my job. I just felt really over looked, unappreciated and totally disrespected and it wasn’t a good environment anymore. This new place is much more calm and I already feel more respected here. I am continuing to apply if anything interesting pops up, but this will do for a while. 

Speaking of my last job, I am sort of still working there. No one knew what I really did so when I left I offered to work at night for 10 hours a week to keep the billing running until they hired someone and trained them. I was thinking, extra money! In reality, it’s hard working full time and then working part time and then schooling. I am also working more than 10 hours because I have to train a coworker who will train my replacement. I am exhausted! Now with school winding down, it hopefully will feel a little more manageable. Also, they combined 2 jobs and hired someone so I am not sure how much longer I will really be needing to do the extra hours. I think at least another month, but who really knows. 

The new school semester will start at the end of January so as long as the extra hours wind down by then, I think next semester won’t feel so crazy. 

With everything going on, I have barely had time to think about holiday’s or anything. I JUST made my Thanksgiving menu list last weekend. If you know me, that is wayyyyy late. I usually already have the menu, times that things need to be cooked and everything done. This year, I am kind of winging it. It’ll be fine! My daughter’s birthday will be hibachi with some of her friends and a sleep over. Christmas will probably be small and quiet. 

I did plan a trip to Switzerland in July next year too! I can’t wait. 

As things settle down I will write more, I promise! But just in case, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season! Happy Holiday’s! 

I am invisible.

That’s me. You don’t see me cause I don’t matter. That’s how I feel 100%. 

I am trying to go back to school. I am trying to find a new job. I am trying to make everyone happy. And I am invisible.

You will never see me because I will never be anything other than words. If that. I wish people would talk to me like they aren’t just talking to a wall. I feel worse than a wall right now.

At least the wall has no feelings and won’t know it. I know it. A wall doesn’t feel like it’s value. I know I have value. I wish I could just be a wall. 

41 (almost) and New Hobbies

I’ll be turning 41 soon. I can’t believe it. I am totally fine with the aging if I don’t have to ever get sick or old. I’m joking… Honestly, I don’t mind getting old. I am scared of getting sick though. It’s just so freaking expensive to get sick and I want to be able to do things. It’s so messed up, but that’s another blog. 

I’m starting to notice things more now because my body is changing. Like I feel bloated after eating certain foods I have always eaten. It’s very hard to lose any weight and super easy to put it on. I’m drinking a lot more but it’s also summer so that happens. I am starting to notice how much things seem to revolve around drinking and I am starting to think I need to cut back for a while. Boozy brunches and book clubs. Winery with the girls. Beer gardens and porch ‘wine and whine’. Bowling and beer pitchers. I don’t know. I definitely like to drink. I just think as I am getting older, my body is changing and it’s just probably time to find some fun activities that don’t include a drink. 

I want to start training to take the police test in a couple months. So I think I really need to get some new hobbies. Besides reading. I plan on going back to school. Walking and jogging more. Yoga. Blogging more often. Strength training. 

Just overall, not being a lazy sack and laying on the couch playing nonsense app games. 

 

Finally, I think I am going to start planning more vacations to outside the US. We just got our passports renewed and I think it’s time these kids, my husband and I do a little traveling. There are plenty of places I want to go to in the US and go back too but I want to go explore a little more now that the kids are a fun travel age. Girl wants to travel to Switzerland and Boy wants to go to Japan. I want to go wherever they want to go because I have never been anywhere besides the Caribbean. 

I can’t wait to start planning! 

Starting an Online Store

I picked Shopify to just play around with it. I have been thinking about trying to just start something for a while so I thought why not? I did a little research and went with this because it seemed the easiest way to set something up and I am not sure that I’m going to keep it. It’s just something I am playing with for now. I liked that it’s a 14 day free trial to set it up. Then there is a special right now for $1.00 a month for 3 months. Then it goes it to $30.00 a month. I guess it depends if I make any money, if I will keep going. 

I like that you can pick a supplier and that you can design your own things. There is no inventory, sales get sent to the supplier and they make it and send it out. That frees me up to market. I have no idea how to do that. 

I just started playing with it yesterday cause I figured why not? I am still in the setting up of the online store, but you can find me here! 

https://sirjstudio.myshopify.com/

I was hoping to attach my books from amazon and maybe my blog on this site too.

My husband and I started SIRJ Studio a while ago. We got all the stuff to start our own mini business. We were focused on You tube at that point. The kids wanted to make their own videos. They loved it until they had to actually do it. That was not that fun. We got science experiment kits for them to do, and they didn’t want to talk or just got bored when we were trying to get the shots of things. It was fail and a no for us. haha. We did try though. 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaSbqGzCSgQ0l6urOWT90qw

So anyway, this is just something I am trying for a bit. Right now it’s kind of just fun to pick a phrase and put it on something. I am sure as I get more into it there will be designs and who really knows if it will work out or not, we’ll find out! 

Have you ever started a store? Did you use Shopify? What are your thoughts?  

1189.1 Mid Summer 2022 Update

We went away last week to New Hampshire with our family friends. It was awesome, like always. We rented a house on a pond. We swam, there was a canoe, we fished, it was really nice. There were hiking trails around and we hiked.

We rented a pontoon one day and went tubing. Did a little shopping. Went to the polar caves one day, I went through a couple but not all. It was cool.

We went to a huge indoor arcade one day and then a beer garden at a brewery nearby.  That was a lot of fun. I really love New Hampshire in the summer. I managed to log into work only once and the rest of the time we relaxed. 

I am still working from home most days and try to get in the office a couple times a month. Once the kids’ are back in school I am pretty sure I’ll be in the office one or two times a week. But for now, I am still mostly home with summer Fridays and I’m really just enjoying this.

This weekend a bunch of my girlfriends and I are taking the kids to a state park/beach for the day. I am really looking forward to that. It’s supposed to be a beautiful beach and with this weather, it’s going to be really nice to cool off in the water and hang out. 

Summer seems to be flying by and I can’t believe that it’s almost August. My son didn’t go to camp this summer. My daughter is doing a transition to 6th grade program. It was free and some of her friends go, so why not? 

We have birthday parties coming up. I booked an overnight spa trip for myself and a couple friends. I am excited about that! I also have a short trip to Rhode Island booked for just the 4 of us. That should be fun too. We’ve never been there before and I think it’ll be fun to explore and try new places! Then the summer is over. 

I did  register for an online class. I am officially going back to school this fall with the goal of getting my bachelors, eventually. One class this semester to get back in the swing of things and then maybe 2 next semester. I am taking Geography and I am actually excited about it! 

I hope everyone is having a good summer and has some fun things going on and to look forward too! 

The Moms Are Outside

This past weekend some of my closest girlfriends and I rented a house in the Catskills and did a girls trip with all our daughters. It was amazing.

It turned out to be the hottest day of the year so far, and sunny. The house we rented had a pool and hot tub and we hung out all day. The adults got a chance to relax, the kids got a chance to hang out. When they went downstairs to chill out, we got to hang out outside and I may have even smoked a couple cigarettes.

I know that is gross but I miss smoking. I miss the way it feels. I hate how I feel the next day but I love the feeling of it… Anyway. I don’t smoke normally anymore, only on occasion. This was an occasion. 

My friend and I got burnt just like when we were teens. Clearly we haven’t learned, but we did learn how to moisturize after. 

The funny part was listening to the girl children talk to the dads on Facetime and rat us out on what the mom’s were up to. Hence the “The mom’s are outside” That was the funniest thing. Like we were just hanging out and not paying them any mind. They had plenty of food, someone was always watching the pool and there was a game room, TV and surround sound music. I think the music was my favorite part. 

One of my most favorite moments was sitting by the river. I legit could have been there for hours. And seeing the stars. Out there you can see allll of them. It was something I haven’t seen in a while. 

Of course, hanging with my friends, the bond the girls are creating and our memories will last forever. We are already starting to look around for next year. I think we’re going to stick to the Catskills and try to stay closer to Woodstock. 

What about you? Do you have a group trip you take every year? Where do you go? 

Me and Jogging.

I have started jogging. I needed to do something. I am gaining weight and I want that to stop… I FEEL physically fine, but I don’t love how I feel in my clothes. So I decided to get my ass in gear and start jogging. 

I started at the beach. Doing a loop. half jogging, half walking. Then a loop walking. Then another loop half and half. I worked up over a couple weeks to a full loop, half walking and then another full loop. I got up to about 2.5 miles and was looking forward to pushing myself to jog the pier and other parts of the beach. 

Honestly, for me, the best part is breathing. The deep breathing that I don’t think I have done in a while. It just feels good. Also, I weirdly like the feeling of sweat when I am working out. I’m not sure if other people do, but I do. 

So last week my daughter tested positive for Covid. Our entire house is fully vaccinated but we got it anyway. She had a mild case but we had to quarantine. I still wanted to jog though. So I started taking my dog out. I thought I was going to hate it. Like he was going to cut me off, and stop to poop and smell the tree, but he doesn’t… He jogs with me. I love it! I look forward to our morning jogs right now. I am even mapping out new farther places that have sidewalks. 

My daughter actually came with me over the weekend too. She was feeling better and wanted some fresh air. She’s back at school now but we are going to try to keep the after dinner walks with the puppies for a while. Especially since it’s getting nicer out. 

This whole covid thing is so odd. My daughter had it, then my husband and then my son. I am still negative and testing every few days. Once I can start going back in the office I am going to have to figure out the morning jogs, but I want to try to keep them. I really want to see how far I can go and I really do feel physically better even if the scale hasn’t moved down. But it hasn’t moved up so I am happy about that! 

I thought I was going to be more self conscious about jogging around my house but it turns out that when I have my dog with me, I am more focused on how he’s doing and I really don’t care what I look like. I think I push myself harder because I want to see how far he can go. 

We’ll see what happens, all I can say is that I really enjoy it right now. Do you jog? How did you start? What helps to push you to keep going?  

If He’s Not at God’s Feet – GUEST BLOG

If he’s not at God’s feet. IF HE’S NOT AT GOD’S FEET…I. Don’t. Want. Him!! While this statement can come off as arrogant or maybe even stuck up to some, before you start assuming in your mind I think I’m better than you let me explain. Since the beginning of my walk with Christ back in 2017 I knew I’d have to make some changes, not only in the way I carried myself as a woman but also in the type of men I was attracted to. You see before accepting Christ I was attracted to Fuckboys. For those of you who don’t know what those are let me be the first to tell you. Stay away sis and I mean far away!! These men, I mean boys, sorry are beyond toxic. Many often confuse them with Bad boys. But believe me when I say there’s a difference. I’ll do separate post Explaining the difference between the two but for now the best example I can think of is “ A Christian man” vs A Man Of God” and before you jump down my throat with comments like how dare you compare Christian men to the world hear me out. 

So, as I was saying, when I accepted Christ I knew the F boy had to go. I knew the man I was looking for had to be Christian. I knew he had to love the Lord but what I didn’t understand was the difference between a man who says he loves the lord and a man that actually loves the lord, one who truly seeks Him for guidance, wisdom and instructions daily. I assumed if he said he was a Christian that automatically made him a Man of God. I didn’t understand that having a real relationship with God went way past knowing A few scriptures, singing worship songs and occasionally praying. I didn’t know that saying you’re a Christian was something you just said because it sounds good. This is not me judging anyone because for the first 3 years of my walk I accidentally fell into the deep whole of lukewarmness and couldn’t find my way out which caused me to backslide. So again, this isn’t me judging, I of all people know the struggle. But ladies be honest with yourself. When you think of the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with what’s he like?? 

• Does he truly love the lord?? And when I say truly love I mean, does this man eat sleep and breathe The word Of God??

• Does he understand the importance of being in the world and listening to the Holy Spirit?

• Does he hold you accountable?? I’m not just talking about in certain areas. I mean in every single Area of your life does he hold you accountable?? When you have a disagreement with your mom does he say do you know what babe, I know your mom is the one who started the fight but I really think you should go apologize and hash things out.

• Does he pray with you instead of just for you??

• Does he love the Father more than he loves you??

• Is Jesus literally his whole entire life or just a part of it? To be more specific is Jesus his lifestyle or just a Sunday morning fling?? And most importantly is he at our Father’s feet??🤔 👀 

If you have been following this blog for sometime now or maybe it’s your first time here And you have not yet accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior just say this prayer

Jesus come into my heart, forgive me of my sins, I believe you are the son of God, you died for me and rose again, fill me with the Holy Spirit and set me free in Jesus name”

“Dear Lord, 

If you need prayer or someone to talk to feel free to message me on IG: https://www.instagram.com/preddybrownskinnnn/

Cancel culture- I guess.

Here. I am thinking about finding a new job. I hate that. You ever found people you like? I did.

But it’s changing. I am trying so hard to be relevant in my writing and I can’t. I literally don’t know what I can write that anyone would ever care to read that hasn’t been written already.

Ok. Kanye, should stop. But I get him. but someone needs to take his phone away. Pete and Kim are gonna be together. He brings her happiness. You fucked up Kanye. Your wife will not come back anymore. It will never be the same even if she did, you don’t want that. Treat your next one better. Your kids are watching.

Meghan Markel and Harry. Please leave these people alone. When they tell you what to focus on, donate. That’s literally it. They are legit trying to make a better world. They are amazing. What have they ever done that said otherwise? Show me an action and not hearsay. I literally love these humans. They are super just trying to serve and live and I think we all know that. I could picture them being this happy in Brooklyn at a non profit. Stop hating.

Chrissy Teigen, This woman was a bully. Me too. Not on her level (it wasn’t on social media) but in some sense. I grew up too. You’re fucking welcome for growing. She is human.

I can’t hate on people wanting to bring good energy to neglected things. That doesn’t make sense to me.

So while I can’t think of anything to write cause my stupid life is like dumb helping friends move, or having to go back into the office, or like maybe I want a job change…. I don’t know. Rent is so fucking high. I want to move but where I want to move is easily double the cost for my house…

I don’t know if I want to be here anymore. Honestly. It’s both. In life and in body. I hate me sometimes. I hate everything I am about. I hate how I live. I hate if I make people feel a certain way. I literally hate every thing about my life. Like I hate that I exist. The only thing that saves me sometimes, is that my children hate me too. But they also love me and I can’t leave them.

1073.1 – Personal update.

I can’t believe it’s January 20th already. Hawaii was amazing. We had a great time. I honestly loved Maui the most but the kids loved Oahu more. 

Quick recap. Maui we swam, hiked, the kids went to the trampoline park. We went to the aquarium and saw a luau. We had a car so we drove places and explored. I loved that there was a view literally everywhere. Even the trees were gorgeous. Also, you could pull over and be on a beach or a path to walk practically anywhere. It was my favorite. We didn’t do the road to Hana. We did hop on and went to the first town, Paia, I think that was it. Super touristy, but the shops were really cute. The kids were just tired by the time we got there after walking that morning and wanted to go back to the hotel to swim and relax. So we did that. I think when we get back to Maui, I want to rent a house in Paia and use that as a base to explore more of the Island. 

Next we hopped over to Oahu and that is a city. There we had a full day private tour. The tour guide Travis was amazing and really catered to what we said we were interested in. He brought us all around and it was very informative and so much fun. The next day we did the UTV tour at the Ranch there. That was super fun too. I didn’t realize when booking that the bus that brought us didn’t bring us back till later that day, so we ended up getting an Uber back to the hotel.

We stayed at the Hilton Hawaiian Village in the Rainbow tower and the room was fine but I didn’t like how many people were there. It was near impossible to get a elevator in the morning or in the afternoon without having at least another family or two in there. The kids loved this place though. They loved that the ABC store was downstairs. That was my sons favorite store. They loved the lagoon. I did like that we could hear the luau here. I didn’t need to go to another one ( from what I heard, you only really need to see one) but I like the drums. We walked to the mall on the last day and ate at the food court. It was really good and the mall was HUGE. 

The thing I didn’t plan out the best was coming home. We got back to our house around 9:30 AM on Christmas eve and then I had to run to the grocery store because we had nothing fresh in the house. It was also my sisters birthday so I had to get the cake and wrap all of Christmas. It was a lot and we got through it but I think next time I would plan to be home at little bit before Christmas. The rest of the holidays were great! By the time school was starting up again I was more than ready to get back on a routine. Three weeks of no routine was kind of diving me crazy. Even today being a snow day in Connecticut is kind of throwing me off. I am just trying to get back on track for the month and hopefully, I will feel more at ease soon. 

With covid cases up, it has been getting closer and closer to us. Last week we were semi quarantined because we were exposed. I say semi because my husband and I worked from home and I ordered groceries to pick up so I wasn’t around anyone, the kids went to school. According to the schools since the kids are vaxxed, unless they have symptoms, they can go. It’s honestly confusing. We all have been testing negative still though so I think we are ok. Other than all that, I am really just trying to get my head back into work, school, working out and a routine. It’s not working. It’s also the middle of winter and I ALWAYS feel off when the weather is super shit. I have been trying to get myself up in the morning to work out and it’s kind of starting to get easier. The older I get the more I think that I really need to move from here. I just don’t like the dark and cold for January, February and March. 

I got a forth hole in both my ears. I think I might just want a couple more up top and then I might be good. I don’t know what made me want more earrings. I don’t know if it’s a fortieth mid life crisis where I am like “I need more piercing’s” or what but it makes me happy right now so that’s what I’m going to do. 

Other than that, that’s it for me. I am not going back to school this semester. They don’t have any classes that I can remote live into and I am not comfortable going into a classroom just yet. Maybe come Fall. I am just hoping they will have more remote live classes I can take that will transfer for the BA in the Fall. We’ll see. 

I hope you all are good. I hope I can start to get back more into posting on my blog. I hope I can get back into just reading. Seriously, right now I am feeling sort of lost. I’ll figure it out. I hope everyone is happy and healthy!